Saturday, November 26, 2011

Rat Race Review Script

Rat Race Review Script:
"I fucking love Rat Race. It involves a bunch of kooky characters, being offered $1,000,000 that is being held
somewhere in New Mexico. But at first, we have to watch this."

*cue start up with stupid people with credits*

"Okay, what the hell did I just watch? SERIOUSLY!?! Anyways, after that fucking weird entrance, it shows every
racer showing up to the hotel. The team consisted of a referee currently being hated for a bad call during football.
Someone who was just at a bachelor party. A mother finally meeting her daughter and seeing how rich she is.
Mr. Beans... for some reason... A family of Jews on their vacation in Vegas to see David Copperfield, and lastly,
Seth Green and his brother who speaks like Daffy Duck. BUT FUCK YES, I LOVE SETH GREEN!"

"The owner of the casino hosts a rat race, and gets contestants by putting entry coins in the slot machines, which
of course, everyone uses. What a bunch of fucking gamblers."

"Once everyone receives the coins, and they meet up to discuss the race. The owner of the hotel tells them about
the money, and simply says Go. The only one actually hyped seems to be Mr. Beans. FUCK YES!"

"It turns out most rich people in the world bet on EVERYTHING! Fucking most cutscenes of them involve bets.

"Everyone at first thinks it's a scam, but still run after the money. Except for Mr. Bachelour Party. (I don't like to
remember names.) Everyone obviously uses the airport, except for Seth Green and his brother, who do not get
tickets. Their response? No one gets a flight. (God, what a bunch of dicks.) They end up breaking the radio
tower and almost end their own lives. Mr Bachelor Party ends up in the airport coffee house, waiting for his flight
back to wherever he came from. He ends up meeting a woman reading the same book as him. She ends up
being a pilot who's flying to New Mexico. The rest can easily be guessed. They don't go anywhere. Just kidding."

(Now I'm not gonna go into great detail on the trip to New Mexico itself. But I forgot to say, Mr Bean, my fan, ends
up passing out in the Casino and waking up when everyone is already close to New Mexico. Goddamn. Well,
after all these wild moments, GUESS WHO GETS TO NEW MEXICO FIRST!?! FUCKING BEAN! REALLY!?!

"He ends up passing out at the locker... go fuck yourself. At the last few miles, everyone runs towards it, just to
find out the money was not there, but instead stolen from a hooker that was in the middle of the movie. Whore."
But, like anything made in 2002, it ends with fucking SmashMouth..."

The rest of the movie is pretty much crazy antics, that you would rather just watch by yourselves. It's a movie
worth checking out.

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